By Younas Chaudhary
Are you going through a personal or business crisis? At one time or another all of us are going to experience crisis mode. What matters is how we manage and resolve a crisis without blaming ourselves. I suggest taking time to be compassionate to ourselves.
Nearly ten years ago, my wife was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. I was bitter, upset, sad, and angry because I never thought that such a calamity would impact my family. As years went by, I started alienating myself, talking less and getting irritated often at home and at work. Soon, I realized this was not doing me any good and I felt that I needed to be compassionate towards myself to live a normal life.
According to Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneering psychologist, self-compassion is the interplay between self-kindness, self-judgement, common humanity, isolation, mindfulness, and overidentification. Instead of mercilessly beating yourself up and criticizing yourself for your perceived inadequacies or shortcomings, people with self-compassion become kind and understanding toward themselves when confronted with crises in their lives.
My first step to being self-compassionate was to reflect on why I was upset. With mindfulness and an honest inner conversation with myself, I realized I was not helping anyone with my behavior. I had to change. Initially, despite my sorrow over my wife’s incurable disease, I started pretending to be positive and happy. I decided this would be the best way to take care of her and live a meaningful life.
This transition to pretending and forcing your mind to look at life on the positive side of things does not happen overnight. It took time and practice as I was fraught with inner conflicts. I persisted so the practice of forcing my mind to be positive and happy soon became my daily habit.
Once I started understanding why I needed to be self-compassionate, I quit sulking and took a break from my sad and irritating behavior. I stopped blaming myself and realized that by getting angry I was punishing myself and this was not benefiting me or anyone around me. Kindness to self is an essential part of life that a lot of us forget to practice and instead immerse ourselves in sadness or anger.
Research by Dr. Neff and others have shown that Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) increases your love for self, compassion for others, mindfulness, and decreases depression, anxiety, and stress. In simple terms, self-compassion is the same as treating yourself with the same kindness that you would show to a family member or close friend.
These days, instead of self-compassion, people are falling into social isolation and depression. They are missing out on life and letting dreams go by the wayside. It is like they believe that they are just tiny frogs in a well scrambling for space rather than knowing that they are in a vast ocean full of opportunities.
Living in loneliness and denial with artificial friends on social media, people are not loving themselves or the real world around them. Instead of being isolated and grumpy, let us practice self-compassion starting today, even if you are pretending at first. Soon you will start to notice that a joyful and happy life will emerge when you start loving yourself. Stay Blessed!
Disclaimer
The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this article are my own and do not represent the opinions of any entity with which I have been, am now, or will be affiliated. Further, I make no warranty regarding the accuracy or effectiveness of my recommendations, and readers are advised to consult other advisors as well as their own judgments in making business decisions.
YBC Foundation 