By Younas Chaudhary
Raised in a culture that viewed perfectionism as a virtue, my early life was dominated by the quest to be perfect. I was an average student in school, though later I took a fiercely competitive entrance test and was selected to join the Pakistan Military Academy. There, I was embedded in a culture that valued extreme perfectionism, discipline, punctuality, and expected perfection in everything I did.
Migrating to Canada in the seventies, striving for perfection became one of my characteristic traits. I wanted to do every job in the most perfect way possible. Whether it was welding or sales, I wanted to excel and be flawless. When I started my oil and gas business, self discipline and a quest for perfectionism dominated my daily life.
I would work from dawn to dusk, six days a week, traveling across oil fields in different parts of the country. I lived a hectic and strenuous life. I was away from my family a lot and missed the growing years of my first two children. I concentrated on the next deal, performed lean operations, cost savings, and strived for perfection!
Looking back, I do not regret the hard work. It has paid high dividends. Though my quest for perfection definitely took a toll on my life and I soon realized the power of the idea to be “good enough.”
Perfectionism, according to researchers, comes in different forms. There is “self-oriented perfectionism” that increases our self-esteem but induces depression, anxiety, and hopelessness when we are faced with a crisis. Then there is “other-oriented perfectionism” where we crave for admiration and often get into hostile relationships by imposing our version of perfectionism in the lives of others.
Yet, what’s becoming more dangerous is “socially prescribed perfectionism” where society demands us to be perfect in everything we do. According to Thomas Curran in his book “The perfection trap: Embracing the power of good enough,” young people are forced into being perfect in their studies, at work, and in their relationships by helicopter parents, single parents wanting their own self-centered freedom, forcing many to be insecure and unsure of themselves.
Today, the emphasis on perfectionism in our Western culture is ruining the mental health of youngsters, making them insecure, afraid, and depressed. Many need regular therapist visits to help cope with their daily lives along with strong anti-depressants, which makes them zombies and useless at their youthful age.
In my younger days, I fell into this perfection trap. I was exacting in my standards, expected co-workers to do their best, and was keen on detail. I was controlling whereby I kept my eyes on everything from ledgers to daily oil we produced. This self-oriented perfectionism reduced errors in what we did, but as I became older, I felt “letting go” would have been a better and wiser move.
New research says that perfectionism creates insecurity, induces anxiety, and makes us risk averse. Instead, if we embraced healthy risk taking, kept an open mind, and rewarded creativity, we could accomplish more.
Our individualistic Western culture demands perfectionism because there is always the urge to overwork and overconsume. Working hard, playing hard and spending hard is encouraged and forces us to be near perfect in everything we attempt. As a self-recovering perfectionist, I have started asking: “At what cost?”
As Curran says in his book “you are enough,” and don’t let the culture around you force you into becoming an insecure perfectionist. In trying to break the cycle of perfectionism, I have learned one of the best ways is to believe in yourself and love yourself. Stay blessed!
Disclaimer
The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this article are my own and do not represent the opinions of any entity with which I have been, am now, or will be affiliated. Further, I make no warranty regarding the accuracy or effectiveness of my recommendations, and readers are advised to consult other advisors as well as their own judgments in making business decisions.
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